first things first back to planning
1. selecting a date
image by Suzanne Hansen
A wedding date is the day you and your spouse make your very own and it should symbolize a special day shared between you and your loved ones. Here’s how to pick your perfect date.
Selecting your wedding date can be a bit of a challenge. You need everything to be just right for you, your family, relatives and guests. You want to be sure that the weather is perfect [check our link to weather information] if you are going to be outside, that your day will be a convenient one for anyone traveling and you will, no doubt, have personal reasons for selecting a date- (like choosing your parents’ anniversary or the date you and your true love met years ago).
To be sure that you do not pick a date that is extra challenging for foreign guests or guests from other religions or cultures - use this really neat non-profit website called “Earth Calendar" that we found.
Earth Calendar lists all holidays by date, country and religion -it even lists lunar phases in case you want to light the evening sky with a full moon, all to help you plan the perfect wedding date.
image by Suzanne Hansen2. budgeting
Believe it or not the best way to save money planning a wedding is to ensure you don't waste money. Sounds simple but it can get really challenging when you facing your 100th decision!
Our best advice? Get a coordinator! You might think that you are saving money by organizing your own event, but in reality there are so many hidden costs that will pile up if you do your event the hard way; solo. We hate to burst your bubble but even Martha Stewart has help.
Think of a wedding planner as your ally in creating a beautiful event and streamlining expenses. You also have the added bonus of dramatically reducing your own and your families stress levels by turning your event over to someone who has planned hundreds of events.
Here are some other tips on how to save some money but still get what you want.
1. It is never too early to start planning.
You will make far more cost effective decisions in advance than you ever will under the gun. Go to a bridal show and look for what you like. You have not saved money if you end up with a product or service that you are not happy with! Take your time looking at the vendors that meet your needs for your ideal wedding. But most importantly; PRIORITIZE. You may not need the most expensive of each and every service. Not everything needs to be a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. Use our halo questionnaire to get you started on priorities.
2. Try not to get married in wedding high peak time.
You can most likely, hold your wedding any time that you want to. It may not have to be during the “wedding season“ of April to October.
3. Emotion is more powerful than length of time.
Keep your reception powerful, not necessarily long. You don’t have to have to go to the bitter end.
4. Don’t forget to include tips and unforeseen expenses in your budget.
Musicians, Officiant & Catering staff should get 15 to 20%
5. Don’t invite everyone you know.
If you thought really hard you probably know 200 people including you postman. But are you dead set on having them share in the most intimate day of your life? Start with your core people; your closest friends and family. You will find that your guest list grows and grows in larger concentric circles like a thing with a mind of its own! Winnow out anyone that you really are no longer connected with. And beware of co worker invites, inviting one person from work does not mean you have to have a company picnic at your reception.
6. Wed on a weekday.
Most wedding venues and vendors will reduce their fees if you choose to wed Monday through Thursday. If you are importing most of your guests anyway, then it does not really matter does it? For them it is a vacation anyway! The fact that it is your wedding day makes it special no matter what the day!
7. Use something borrowed to the hilt.
Take full advantage of this one. Not only is this practical it is far more sentimental for you and the borrower. Use the same cake cutter or jewelry that your best friend used in her wedding.
8. Make things, get creative.
Have a party for your friends to help you. Martha Stewart here we come! You can make your save the date cards, invitations, favors, ring pillow, etc.
9. Have your caterer serve heavy hors d'oeuvres instead of a 5-course meal.
Serving heavy hors d’oeuvres has the added bonus of keeping your guests circulating and does not weigh them down right when you are expecting them to dance!
10. Have your wedding gown made.
Having a custom gown tailored is far less expensive than you might think. You can also customize to meet your style, your figure and your event.
11. Do not throw money at your event.
A wedding is a time for the friends and relatives of a couple to come together to join in a common feeling of joy, hope and celebration of their love. Personal details that enhance your event and time spent with your guests are far more meaningful and lavish than spending a ton of money on physical things.
12. Never skimp on your venue.
Saving money can come in many effective shapes and sizes. Do not, however, skimp on the site. Your entire wedding is built upon this foundation. Most venues offer so many in-house amenities that if you try to break it down and pull everything together from different sources you end up paying more and facing potential chaos and zero responsibility. Do not be penny wise and pound foolish; go with the best venue you can afford.
13. Enjoy your own event.
Most important of all is your own experience. Every penny is wasted if you have no recollection of your own wedding because you were so stressed trying to coordinator and run damage control the day of. Which leads us back to getting a professional event planner!
3. Marriage License
image by Suzanne Hansen
Time to make your marriage legally recognized and recorded by the state.
Read how easy it is to obtain your marriage license in San Diego.
Getting your marriage license in San Diego is so easy. No blood tests are required and you need only spend 10 to 15 minutes and $50 at the Recorder County Clerks Office to obtain your license. The license is good for 90 days so make sure to get it within 90 days before your ceremony. Your Officiant and witness [s] sign your license at the time of your ceremony. Your Officiant is responsible for returning your license to be recorded. Both Bride and Groom must appear together with a valid photo identification from a governmental agency. The ID must have your full legal name and birth date on it. Foreign passports must have a valid Visa. Final decrees of divorce are required if the divorce occurred within the previous 90 days.
San Diego County's Recorder County Clerk Offices are located at:
San Diego County Administration Center 619-237-0502
1600 Pacific Highway, Room 273
San Diego, CA. 92101
San Marcos Branch Office 760-940-6858
141 E. Carmel St.
San Marcos, CA. 92078
Kearny Mesa Branch Office 619-505-6226
5473 Kearny Villa Road, 3rd Floor
San Diego, CA. 92123
El Cajon Civic Center 619-401-5750
198 W. Main Street, Suite 101
El Cajon, CA. 92020
Chula Vista Office 619-498-2277
344 F Street, Suite 200
Chula Vista, CA. 91910
Offices are open Monday through Friday 8 to 5 with some Saturday hours. Please telephone branch for the most accurate and up-to-date information.
Here is a link to R.C.C.'s vital forms page. You must still request your license in person.
http://arcc.co.san-diego.ca.us/arcc/default.aspx
4. Hiring an Officiant
image by Suzanne Hansen
Finding the right person to deliver your ceremony can seem strenuous. Follow these steps to find the perfect marriage between you and your Officiant.
Q. I have a question about the Universal Life Church. The friend who introduced my fiancé and I got ordained on-line at the Universal Life Church web-site and she's going to be our Officiant. We're all a little nervous, even though it says it is perfectly legal. How can we make sure that this is legal and that she can legally marry us? She did receive confirmation from them, but the whole thing seems a little too easy.
Kristin H.
A One of most beautiful things about our country is freedom of religion. This includes worshiping, getting married and anything that falls under the domain of “spiritual.”
Universal Life Church was created to allow anyone to live out their ideology their way and will ordain anyone who contacts them for a Minister’s license, without stipulation.
The Recorder County Clerk of San Diego County and The State of California, recognize anyone ordained by a recognized religion as a legal wedding officiant; this includes Native American Shamans, Muslim Imams, Jewish Rabbis, Christian Ministers, Catholic Priests, a host of other religious titles and Universal Life Church Ministers. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding; you have nothing to worry about. But since church and state are separate, thankfully, you still need to get a state license to be legally married in the eyes of the law. To do this, simply go to your nearest Recorder County Clerk together and get your license 90 days or less before your wedding day. Your Officiant then signs your license as a non-denominational minister, official title "Reverend" and your witnesses sign and you are married!
If you are still concerned you can take advantage of Recorder County Clerk's option that anyone can be an “Officiant for a day" in California for $50.
http://arcc.co.san-diego.ca.us/arcc/default.aspx
5. Sunsets & Weather
image by Suzanne Hansen
You can't control the weather - not even in San Diego! No worries, we can help you prepare for the most beautiful day possible.
Use this link to a military sunset time table. Simply enter your wedding date and San Diego, California and you will find the time the sun sets, the moon rises and when civil twilight ends; the exact moment at which it gets dark. San Diego hosts over 30,000 weddings a year for a good reason. It is usually sunny and gorgeous. But it can get quite hot here, especially inland, and contrary to popular songs, it does rain here.
Outdoor events must have adequate shade for guests, children, older folks and bridal party. Consider water, lemonade or iced tea for guests who will arrive early and parasols, fans, rented market umbrellas or tenting to provide reduced temperature and UV protection. No one likes to sweat in formalwear and full makeup -not you, your guests or your wedding professionals!
December through March weddings should have a contingency for rain. A rented canopy and a few heaters will warm up your outdoor event perfectly. Actually, we have seen "rain outs" bring guests together and create a strong sense of camaraderie and celebration. You cannot control the weather, so don't stress over it; just be prepared. If you still want to run the numbers - here is a link to the weather channel.
http://aa.usno.navy.mil/data/docs/RS_OneDay.php
6. Registering for Gifts
image by Suzanne Hansen
Need help with ideas for your gift registry? Read our practical and creative ways you can create a registry that is your own.
There are three major options for registering for gifts;
Traditional Gift Registry: Kitchenware, towels, silverware, home items, furniture, etc. Perfect for the couple who will be creating their first home together. If you choose to register for gifts, consider registering through the I Do Foundation website. I Do will generate a percentage of each purchase as a contribution to charity.
Donations: Create a donation registry, where your guests can donate money to your favorite charities online and make a gift in your couple's name. The I Do Foundation offers a range of non-profit organizations to choose from; from community development and children’s charities to environmental and health-oriented non-profits.
Travel: This highly practical option allows couples to register for airfare, hotel and activities for their honeymoon!
Of course you know that it is never appropriate to mention gifts in your wedding invitation, indeed one is not even supposed to mention a preference of receiving any gifts at all. All information about your gift preferences; letting people know where you are registered, if you prefer money, travel or a home registry over gifts, is the province of your wedding party members and your parents. Anyone asking about your gift registry should be directed to the appropriate person in charge of gifts; usually the maid of honor- who then gives them the clear guidance they need.
On the other hand, shower invitations, may clearly inform invitees about the couple's registry or gift preferences. Try combining two or three of the above options to allow your loved ones to give you what they want and what you want too.
7. Changing Your Names
image by Suzanne Hansen
Out with the old and in with the new. You made the decision to change your name! Now all you need to do is complete the final steps.
Whether the bride changes her last name, hyphenates the two or both partners choose a new last name, changing your name requires a little bit of paperwork and some legwork.
Here is all the information you need to do a name change.
1. Request a certified copy of your filed marriage license 3-4 weeks after your ceremony, by mail or by phone with a credit card. Take or mail the certified copy to the nearest Social Security Administration office first and change your SS card. Call 1-800-772-1213 for SSA location nearest you.
2. From there you can change the rest of your legal documents such as;
Drivers license and Vehicle registration, you must go in person to your local Department of Motor Vehicles.
Voter Registration, mail in form to
Registrar of Voters
P.O. Box 85093
San Diego, CA. 92186-9910
Passport, mail original certified copy of license only with form to:
Los Angeles Passport Agency
Room 13100
Federal Building 11000 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA. 90024-3615
Bank accounts, photocopy of license should suffice. Go into your local branch with new Driver's license and/or license copy.
Credit agencies, photocopy of license should suffice.
And don't forget; Post Office, Human Resources at work, Insurance Policies, Pension Plans, Stocks, Bonds, Property Titles, Doctors Offices, Leases, Outstanding loan accounts, School records, Business cards and both of your wills.
8. Passports
image by Suzanne Hansen
Take off on an adventurous International get-a-way after the wedding! Make
sure you properly plan ahead and obtain or renew your passports in plenty of
time before your big day.
U.S. citizens are required to have a passport for visiting any destination outside of the United States. This includes Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean, whether visited by sea or by air.
If you are planning to travel outside of the Western Hemisphere by air, you will be required to have a passport (if you don't currently have one that is valid). Passports are issued for adults for a period of ten years (and for five years for children). We recommend not waiting till the last minute, when the processing time to get a passport will no doubt increase considerably to keep up with the backlog of new applications.
If you currently have a passport, keep in mind your passport needs to be valid for at least six months beyond your return date to the U.S.
A passport (or other accepted document) is required for U.S. citizens who travel by air, sea and land to and from the Caribbean, Bermuda, Central and South America, Canada and Mexico.
For more information about applying for a passport, U.S. citizens may visit travel.state.gov or call the National Passport Information Center toll free at 1-877-4USA-PPT or TDD/TYY: 1-888-874-7793. Foreign nationals should contact their respective governments to obtain passports.
9. Gay Weddings
image by Suzanne Hansen
Starting off your new life as a married couple! Let us help you make your wedding day authentic and memorable.
SanDiegoWedding.com & The Wedding Party Bridal Show have assisted couples with commitment ceremonies for 10 years, and are now ecstatic to finally be able to say "Congratulations on getting married!!" We want to help you plan your wedding. Please visit the next Wedding Party Bridal Show to meet all of the people you need to create your wedding. Click for bridal show information and tickets.
Local wedding photographer Suzanne Hansen of shewanders.com offers her thoughts on gay weddings. Please be sure to visit her website at the link below for more of her inspiring work.
One of my favorite things about gay weddings is not having to call them commitment ceremonies anymore. It feels nice to not have to make distinctions. Love is love. I've been really lucky having had the opportunity to witness so many couples sharing their love with their friends and family. I remember when Rob and Eddie asked me to photograph their ‘party’. It wasn't until a couple of weeks before the big day that they finally allowed themselves to call it a wedding. That was a great moment.
I remember thinking how many times we break the law- you know, crossing the street outside of the cross walk, letting your meter expire, talking on your cell phone- and thinking, what did the law have to do with love?
Well finally, the law has decided that people can love who they love and can celebrate that love with freedom. Now I think a lot more people are going to see that there aren't many distinctions between straight weddings and gay weddings.
Some beautiful moments:
Brian singing "More than Anyone" to Robbie with a pianist accompanying him and thinking how nice it was that he was professionally trained, and that one day I'd like to meet a man with his spirit and blue eyes.
Over hearing Lindsay and Justina speaking to friends at Emily and Johnny's wedding a year later, "the only thing I would have changed about our wedding is that I wish we would have made out more".
Watching Victor's mom tear up and beam with pride during a speech with her arm tight around her son.
How sensational Jesse and Dallas were on the dance floor at the Del; their entrance prompted a spontaneous first dance full of style and grace.